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2025-09-10 | 01:14 (-07:00)

I'm getting bored.

Really, I've been depressed. Very depressed.

Hobbies are chores.
Chores feel identical to bedrotting.
Energy is scarce and seemingly non-renewable.
Living is merely dying.

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Today, I found myself watching clips of They Live (for no particular reason
-- not that there had to be one, lol) and ended up stumbling into Žižek
analyzing the film. "Freedom hurts," he said, and that resonated with my
painfully stale dilemma: a trapped, depressive existence lived in fear of the
pain of living. I figured that I'd give more Žižek videos a shot despite
some apprehensive skepticism, especially given his positions on trans issues.

Ultimately, I was pleasantly surprised. Some of his statements on happiness
reminded me of my desire to live a satisfying life than a happy one. Others
reminded me of my self-commodification whilst attempting the grind on social
networking apps[1]. So, here I was listening to the anti-ideology marxist in
the hopes that I'd fashion my escape from my oppressive condition.

And into the fray came a favorite of mine: Sisyphus 55. And it's 02:37 and I
have an awful headache, so I'll try to be brief.

I know that Thomas is no stranger to depression, so I watched some of his
videos on the topic. Funnily enough, I once again ended up lectured by a
YouTuber to stop waiting and actually start doing what I want to do. Whether
it was talk of saṃsāra or of art manifesting in variations from the norm, or
my desire to turn my keyboard hobbyist discord ramblings into a blog post,
whatever.

I'm going to ship my first blog post and start doing things for real.

If I fail, whatever.
I want to be good at doing things poorly, including doing things at all.
I've always wanted to try my hand at #100DaysToOffload, so here's my shot at
it. I'm tired of living -- not even vicariously -- through my envy of others.

Maybe this helps with my depression. Maybe it doesn't.

Whatever
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'll be trying to live regardless.

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[1] Colloquially known as "dating apps," but I use them for friend-finding,
    queerplatonic ventures, and more on the social spectrum that romantic
    dating.

2025-09-10 | 03:21 (-07:00)

It is late af.
I have a headache.
But I've published my first blog post :3

awoo.boo/posts/100-da...

Yolo.
#100DaysToOffload

[image or embed]
— Valerie (@awoo.boo) September 10, 2025 at 3:28 AM

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